That is all.

Me, my buddy and a bunch of friends skipped first class to go out to breakfast in high school. We went to a Denny’s-type of greasy-spoon diner, in total there were about twenty of us. My buddy, at the end of the meal bets me the price of his breakfast that he cant chug all the little shot glasses of maple syrup on the table. I agree and he starts blasting through heaps of the syrup, just throwin em back. Around 15 he starts slowing down and looking pale. He gets to 18 and gives up. We then go back to school for our second class: Geometry with Miss Cankles herself…Queen Manatee who was really mean, ill tempered and a bad teacher…the kind that likes to hear her own voice and undermine the students by picking on them. Half way through the class my buddy…now GREEN is waving his arms to be called on but Miss Manatee is ignoring him intentionally. He then stands up and bolts for the door; with surprising speed the instructor quickly oozes her bulk into the doorway blocking his path. “WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?!” she moos at him poking him hard in the chest with her sausage finger. Weakly my friend says “the nurse” she turns BRIGHT RED and screams in his face about being disrespectful to his elders and betters and that he will be serving a thousand painful detentions cleaning her toenails or something. He turns meekly to walk back to his seat and she grabs him “I’m not done with you yet!” As she whips him around to face her and as she OPENS her MOUTH to yell again my friend loses it. He pukes up his MASSIVE lumberjack, grand slam omelet pancaketastic maple syrup soaked breakfast into her horseface and (gloriously) into her gaping mouth..

The aftermath was fairly ridiculous; it was one of those three solid beats of silence that lasts forever as everyone was just open-mouthed (including and especially the teacher) and staring. The only sound was my friend’s whimpering and, post-explosion, blurping. Then one of the quiet kids in the back whispered “HO..lee shit” under her breath but since everyone was still in shock it was CLEARLY audible, echoing around the room. That broke the spell; we all BURST into fits of unabashed laughter both at the timing and source of the side comment and the craziness of the event itself. The teacher (I WISH I could tell everyone how evil this instructor was, she was one of those professors that does math a great disservice because of the way she teaches and behaves) blinks ever so carefully and slowly, wipes the goo out of her eyes, and turns about-face to go across the hall to get another teacher to watch us while she goes to clean up. Not realizing her sodden appearance she causes a HILARIOUS reaction from THAT teacher’s class causing my class to start howling in laughter. Then she leaves in a smelly and indignant huff. She will get her revenge later with homework and detentions galore. Unfortunately my friend was doubled over and crying at this point because the realization that he just projectile vomited 18 shot glasses worth of maple syrup and two pounds of breakfast matter into the face of the meanest, nastiest geometry teacher on the planet is starting to sink in. I and another friend walk over and rub his back and bring him to the nurse explaining what happened (skipping the part about skipping class) and he gets picked up by his older brother and taken home for plenty of rest and a healthy dose of videogames. I do not have many fond memories of high school. I was a late bloomer, angsty and rebellious as they come, but THIS remains one of my most favorite memories…ever..I’m glad I could share it with reddit :)

I am so confused, but laughing hysterically.

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the
Supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many
people here
believe in ghosts?”

About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well, that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts,
do any of you think you have seen a ghost?”

About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has
anyone here ever talked to a ghost?”

About 15 students raise their hand.

“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?”

Three students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further… Have any
of you ever made love to a ghost?”

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says “Son, all the years I’ve
been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to
a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your
experience!”

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to
make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room,
the professor asks, “So, Bubba, tell us what it’s like to have sex
with a ghost?”

Bubba replied, “Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said
“Goats.”